SpringDaze

It truly is finally verging on spring here in the bleak midwest. Most of the trees are still bare, bu tthe grass is greening up nicely and occasionally the temperature hints at warmer things to come. However that is where the green-ness ends for me.
My bank account remains at levels purely dictated by the rise and fall of my bi-weekly checks coming in ....and going out. Is it just me, or has food suddenly become the new "coin of the realm"? It's like there must be gold on the grocery store shelves--for all of the money it takes out of my purse everytime I go shopping!

As you can see--even my dog is overwhelmed by the prospects. She's cuddling with long-time pal Snoopy--who, bless his heart always maintains a stiff upper lip. (He's my hero.)

Even the daffodils along my front walk are wishing I could spend more money on them....I think they need nitrogen...they're just not blooming properly. Thankfully, I did invest in a few "lookalike yellow and white coneflowers" and tried to artfully arrange them on my mantel to profess the nearness of summertime. THey kindof do the trick--I feelmy spirits lift ever so slightly when I enter the room ; )

Next step....maneuvering the puddles of dating and disclosure. How much do you say about how insolvent one is as you negotiate potential new relationships?
Hmmmm. Jury's out on this one.

Anyway, still wishing for true springtime optimism....I guess that's a step.
Suzette

The Big BANKruptcy THEORY

Yes, this is not actually a photo of a BANK or a Bankruptcy of course - because that would involve photos of unpleasant people with lawyers all around and stacks of paper evidence and pinched expressions.
This IS a photo of a teeny-tiny person "walking" over cottony stuff meant to imply snow around a little Christmas village in my living room. I don't know if this little man is bankrupt or not --but he's out there enjoying the "snow" so God bless him anyway, I say.

It's the Big B officially. Practically hours after my birthday, a day or two away from Black Friday (coincidentally enough, wouldn't you say?!) and just within vision of all of the holiday revelry and overspending....I signed and initialled till my fingers were numb...the documents (about 30, I think) to officially push the giant Bankruptcy ball rolling down the legal mountain.

Everyone tells you with arched eyebrows and quick, blinking eye movements, that "it's a clean slate, you're getting!" Okay...is that why I feel so elated?!
Yeah...that's what I thought. Just what does "the clean slate" mean and why are people who probably have actually used fewer than 10 blackboards in their lifetimes using this phrase?! I mean, when you die you get a "clean slate" too, right?

It's depressing..."It's the hap,happiest time of the year..." unless you have NADA credit cards, zippo high spirits and the prospect of "more of the same" for the foreseeable future.

There MUST be a Bright SIde!
Let's see-- ohYES!! The Morgan Chaseme Hounds and the National CIty VIpers can't hassle me anymore---well THERE's a silver lining!

Next initiative: Create a local barter/exchange system by which I can obtain groceries, clothes, car services and salon-quality hair services for whatever skills I can offer that are moral and legal. Hmmmm..

Tune in next week!

Slightly Less Crazy Suzette

Credit Time Out

I wondered if this day would come.
I valiantly perservered, (albeit with liberal outlays of cash from my significant other---who now wishes to NOT be of that significance anymore....sigh....)still, I scrimped many a month.
I resisted dinners and lunches out to the point of compulsiveness...even now, I wonder if people would pause in shock if I suggested a "lunch out" at work!
But it's come down to the "Big B".

BANKRUPTCY

There. I said it.
Even more...I'm doing it. Seen the lawyer. Had the chat. Crunched the numbers.
It's all there in black and white....'Tis better to file and give up than to continue to fight the losing, depressing, eternal fight with the credit sharks and the ex-husband's bad debt.'

I'm exhausted.

So what was the point of the past two years' struggle, I ask myself?
If I was going to give up after all(which, of course I wasn't planning to do until the knock out punch was delivered in the 9th round!)

It's not over yet...no point in getting overly optimistic.
The details are in the nitty gritty lawyerese of it all: Chapter 7 vs. Chapter 13.

I'd wring my hands...but ....well, I'm just not a hand-wringer, I guess. I'm more of a go to bed early--watch too much TV and try uselessly to sleep and forget...and hope that morning brings a happier perspective.

Though I'm not really holding out much hope....not yet anyway.

I'm just clueless enough, though to imagine maybe - just maybe - things will get a little bit better in the here and now. I figure all in all - what's the point of worrying about credit scores...when mine is already awful? Right?

One bill at a time.....
Here we go, kids.

Suzette

Give Change Credit

A perpetual state of indebtedness is like an untreated state of depression.
It rarely gets better without powerful meds or therapy of some description and the longer the malady lingers, the more imprisoned the state of mind becomes.

So the question is....

Am I used to my cell?
(I am personally aware of daily life in "debtor's prison". The semantics may be argued but the state of mind cannot.)

Sadly, the answer is yes.
Am I still hopeful of someday escaping?

Sadly, the answer is more often "sometimes" rather than "definitely"....at least these days.

As Congress questions Wall Street and Wall Street starts locking up early, the normally cozy relationship of politics and the economy is becoming increasingly estranged (at least publicly) and the average debt-beleaguered man and woman on the street are wondering just how hard (not if) the #*~@ is going to hit the fan.

I know that no one person holds the key to the door that unlocks this complex puzzle,that said, I do have faith in the mobilizing power of an Obama led Washington-culture-change to improve the daily economics for more Americans than I do in anyone else in the presidential race.

At his Springfield Old Capitol Plaza introduction of Joe Biden as his running mate, I happily endured a day of constant sun and heat to lay eyes once more on a man whose message reawakens a nugget of hope within me that things really could change - and even - be better.

One must hope.
So maybe I can try....at least until November 5, 2008

Suzette

What They Say

Okay - the lesson for today is: Don't Ask (for money) so they won't TELL you--
stupid stuff like the following:

They say.....
* Well, Can't you get a loan?
(DUH! Anyone out there hear of a tricky thing like "credit score"??)
* Why can't your sons just get student loans?
(HUllo Again! Attention, please....the notion that Uncle Sam stands at the ready with large fistfulls of money waiting to hand over to your young Johnny and Samantha is Bullshit - okay? SOMEtimes, if the grades are good enough, etc. etc....it's not a blank check waiting to happen. This is one of many HUGE mis-assumptions.)
* You just need to be more careful with your money.
(HMMMmmm. Yeah,that works. Why didn't I think of that? Silly Me. I've just been so busy with paying late fees and juggling the "who shall we pay this month" stack of envelopes, I overlooked the obvious!)
* You shouldn't have gotten into so much debt.
(OK - yes - this IS a no-brainer....how,exactly is it helpful to remind me?)
* Just keep persevering - 'what doesn't kill you will just make you stronger.'
(Say that to my ashes.)

Please! If you can't lend me money - at LEAST give me a break with the suggestions on how I can NOT be in this state to begin with.

Really, REALLY Stressed Suzette

Toby Deserves Credit

This post has nothing to do with credit woes or owes.
It is merely to say, Thank God for dogs.<blockquote>

I had to bid a loving, but sorrowful farewell to our family dog of 16 years on Friday.
In his last months, getting up and down had become a huge ordeal...the atrophy of muscles was so severe. At 63 pounds, he was a champion to the end--hauling himself (often with the help of me or my sons) to his feet to enter or exit the house - belated, usually, to relieve himself.

Toby was always an independent..verging on unmanageable spirit. But early training with me by his side (as opposed to the other way around) made us especially close. In his first eight or nine years, he was my regular running companion. Some of our favorite outings were to a camping park about 45 minutes from our home where we would explore hilly trails by a lake. He was important enough to be named in my divorce agreement - because neither my ex or myself could bear the thought of not being with him.

Toby was an Australian blue heeler & hound mix. His black/gray coat mixed with brown and tan markings made him a truly handsome dog. He was ravenous throughout his life -even to the point of eating rocks as a puppy! On Friday, I stayed with him and stroked his ultra soft short, merle coat while the veterinarian helped ease him into the next world. I miss him beyond words...but I make this attempt anyway, because he was my best friend - and I hope that he considered me the same.

You were the best, Toby.
Love,
Suzette

Mental Travelocity?

Travel Challenged. I am SOOOO TC! This HAS to be one of the highest ranking stressors to the PWBC (people with bad credit - in case you're just now tuning in) -- okay, well at least it is for me!
My new version of "living large" in this destination-void life of mine is the Travel Channel!

But how far can you actualy go when you're still, face it - in your living room~! Before I had the giant debt and the devoid-of-frills lifestyle, I'm not claiming travel maniac status - no "round the world" jaunts or anything--but after traveling in Europe during my college days, I did get to visit Greece for about 10 days, and perpetually have dreamed all of my life of somehow hooking up with someone with whom regular travel would be a staple.

These days, though- it takes a lot more creative effort to make that "trip in my head" even vaguely realistic.
However, with a new recipe for something with a little Mexican flair, my son's bottle of "Red Hot" - there's bound to be something on cable SOMEwhere that's set in a sunny, aquatic corner of the world - and at least there's no airline hassles or packing regulations to endure either....

Now where did I put my sunglasses? (oh yes - and screw the spf!! : )
Suzette

Elaine said it best - "Sponge Worthy"

Elaine - perhaps my favorite New Yorker ever - identified the status best with her "sponge worthy" description that ranked the quickly fading supplies of this dynamo of a contraceptive device. Unfortunately, "Credit Worthy" is now an unattainable title that many of us wear in our credit-challenged lives.

Whether you just want that lousy 10 percent off your clothes at the GAP or you're faced with having to replace a worn out vehicle to get you to work and home again in one piece - the UN "credit-worthy" label is degrading and humiliating. I cringe as I internally process my inability to qualify for a stupid home-improvement Menard's Card despite my professional success and personal hard work. It's depressing.

Can I still qualify for "Hope worthy?"
Suzette

Bad Credit Deal Breaker

Even if you disclose your crappy credit status, don't be surprised if it suddenly becomes a "deal breaker!"

Sad to say, though my fiance` was never in the dark about my financial issues, the fear of premature financial ruin overcame his optimism in the end. So why, you may ask, would he make the step towards marriage in the first place?
Uhm...good question.
Check him off the list for "references to count on" needless to say.

Sadly Suzette

Say it ain't so!

Sure there are crashing investment companies....and competent, smart people are losing their very large-salaried jobs. Of course I'm sympathetic...but wait...I'm still floundering here amidst my same-old credit debt! That's right....I'm still making ZERO progress as I tread water in this pool of perpetually suspended interest rates and late fees ad nauseum!

I'm sorry, I'm too busy flailing to worry about you folks! At least you had your feet actually touching the ground, stocks in your portfolios, and options out the wazoo! I can't even get a teeny tiny mortgage loan to buy a house so that I don't continue to toss away the precious $1,000s of dollars on rent every year!

No - I don't want your pity...but hey - a few $100 - yes, I'll take that!
Ok- work calls...that's all I need - to goof off and lose that!

Suzette

Say Goodbye to the Plastic

Buh-bye, credit cards!! I mentally wave my fingers in the direction of the credit cards being snipped apart ceremoniously into the giant fish tank n the Credit Rehab Lady's office. My plastic bits join a small mountain of its relatives from the hundreds of credit rehabbers who have traveled this path before me. (Sniff-sniff, small tear rolls down my cheek...big sigh)

OK - moving on, now.
In my head I hear a David Bowie song....
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes (Don't want to be a better man) Ch-Ch-Changes (Just gonna be a different man.) I still don't know what I was waiting for...and my time was running wild."

It was sort of a therapy-meets-financial-planner session. I laid out my sordid "confession of fnancial errors" as it were, and she patiently nodded, didn't raise her eyebrows or say anything like, "Good grief, you're kidding, right?!" (How mortifying would that be, right?)
She even had tissues handy...I guess a lot of us get weepy as we unburden ourselves about our debt-filled lives.

So after "the credit confession", she tallies it all up (pretty scary couple of moments there, I'll tell you). "We'll contact all of these companies and try to get the interest rates lowered, and set up a regular date they'll get monthly payment." Sounds really doable, at this point - followed by...
"It looks like if we get some good interest rates (at least half of the 29.99999 I'm futilely attempting to keep up with presently) you can pay all of this off in about (pause) 5 years."

SILENCE.

What?!? I thought maybe some of the debt could just be downsized! Nope. No chance of that, missy!

SHIT.

OK. Well, I guess it beats the paycheck shuffle I've been dancing for the past couple of years....so, ok.

To their credit (get it?) they collect a very small fee, and then a pittance sum (about $20 per month) for the life of this payback process for their trouble. (I imagine the credit card companies give them a slice of something - but I don't know for sure...whatever...who cares.)

So I sign on the dotted line and agree to revisit the Credit Rehab Lady at least once a year to review our progress....like in case I win the lottery or something and can afford to pay the Chaseme Hounds $1,200 a month instead of $85, right?!

So I'm good to go....I still have a mountain of debt - but I've got the Rehab Lady in my corner and things don't seem quite so unwieldy. (Though I still dream of winning the lottery and erasing all debt in a single day - I can at least sleep mostly through the night after this meeting - a "first" for a very long time!.)

Check back later...there's more.

Suzette

CardSharks

Every day is a CardShark Day.

The "fins" arrive via cell phone tower, though - I don't actually (thankfully!) see them circling me in the parking lot at work!

Currently, JP Morgan ChaseMe Shark is the major predator.
First, how can anyone work for this company in good conscience? Trust me, these people's tongues must be SO forked - they look like snakes when they speak.
At least a dozen times a day - their auto-system dials my phone number to hassle me with the same questions, I've already answered...

Why the harrassment? Simple:
One missed payment to the credit counseling company. Never mind that it was predicated by an unexpected (aren't they all?) vehicle death. This was my one and only choice for transportation in my daily hour-long commute. All finances went into "shock and reponse mode"!

The Credit gal (Rehab central) was very helpful and to the point."You gotta put your money where it's needed the most. We'll alert your creditors and explain what has happened....but we'll have to wait and see...sometimes they will make us re-negotiate your interest rate. "

AAAaHaa. Ok, I tell myself - maybe this will still work out. A generous helping of cash from my boyfriend helped put me back on the path to a replacement car. But I still had to come up with a new financing plan - Hah! (guess how high THAT interest was for "ye of little credit"! )

So where is this leading?

"Jenny, don't change your number...I need to make you mine. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9; 8-6-7-5-3-0-9"
( Tommy Tutone)

The Phone Calls.
They don't start, mind you until about 6 months later.
In the meantime, the CHASEme Hounds have surrepticiously disengaged from the credit company and lower interest rate agreement - but they haven't told me this.Many months later, I get a nasty letter (you know the kind...worded like they're oh-so-willing-to-work-with-you!) that tells me I am completely delinquent, I need to pay them 3 times the amount the credit company is divvying out to them each month...and oh, by the way - every month they add in an extra $39 finance charge for not meeting the minimum payment! Bastards@!

How does this end?
Tune in...I don't even know yet.
More finance fun later!

Suzette

Credit Rehab

I know I'm not the only one.
Okay, wait. First some background...before you assume I'm some goofus ditz who just la-la-la, spends-spends-spends....sure I love to shop - but I've also been the major breadwinner, managed all the travels and vacations, bought the kids Easter outfits, gifts, replaced the outgrown wardrobes - shoes, jeans..etc. (I'm not some Tiffany junkie - let's get that straight!)

So I exit a marriage after twenty-something years with a lot of debt.....two very promising offspring who are college fledglings, no house (that went to the ex), and no savings.

I rent, right? Well sure - no one is going to give me a loan with my crummy credit!
What's next? Deal with reality!
Why?
Because: I AM NOT A QUITTER!
(read: bankruptcy is just not an option in my mind.)

I'll just go on the record here as saying....credit floundering is not for the faint of heart! And credit rehab is no picnic either.
Future tales will come.

For now - take my advice - Don't spend it if you ain't got it.

Suzette